American Idol
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Hold a fellowIdolzealots hand because I have some bad news: I think our judges are failing.
Why do they keep telling every contestant Youve grown?
Into what, an upstanding young adult?
Hopefully Katy will regainher giant polygonal lion claws, because I cant bear much more of this meek patter.
Were down to 14 cooing combatants who all earned passing marks for their first finals performance.
But who comes out on top?
Pack a lunch and read down the rankings to find out.
Like, anger-making cute.
Who can I sue to prevent that cute overload from happening again?
I was nearly maimed.
I dont see Jonny figuring this game out with inventive new moves to propel himself forward in the competition.
I dont even see him becoming all that comfortable with how big the room is.
Its also the kind of song that gets too much credit for representing the little guy.
These lyrics are … pretty generic for circus freaks?
Real circus freaks would be way funnier in a self-penned empowerment anthem.
Dont tell me you want to be inspiring!
Go with me on this one: Something is secretly lovable about Phillip Phillips?
Garretts good at his zesty heartthrob strumming, but its never on the level of his competitors performances.
This one is cute, though its less a raging fire and more a simmering hot plate.
She could perform tomorrow at the American Music Awards and the ghost of Dick Clark would not complain.
To be honest, he didnt have to change up his game.
Heknowsshe is my favorite comedian of all time and hell cop any of her sartorial iconography to engage me.
Though I look forward to his big debut onWait, Wait, Dont Tell Mewhenever he gets a moment.
Cade Foehner, Black Magic Woman
7.
Her look is also rich: lacy and dark, like all fine Adele red-carpet moments.
If were being honest, the song choice holds Jurnee back since its chorus is a cutesy cheerleader chant.
Dennis has one of those voices that sounds Auto-Tuned, which is both impressive and a little problematic.
Youve got to admire technical chops, but pristine vocals arent exciting without a fulgent personality to deliver them.
Michael J. Woodard, Titanium
I keep forgetting Im in love with Michael J. Woodard.
In Sias version, the chorus is fire and the rest of the song is merely boppable.
It looks like something Bjork would wear to accept a Nobel Prize.
Here, she takes a guaranteed crowd-pleaser and gets up to some crowd-pleasing.
But nonetheless: Damn it, Im always gonna wanna make it mooooove is still a mood!
Tomorrow: The first (truly) live episode of the season.
Will Luke Bryan come up with a single incisive criticism in time?
