A look back at the bands formidable legacy.
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This article originally ran in 2018 and is being republished in light ofEddie Van Halens passing.
I love Van Halen.
A metal band that rarely plays metal.
A legendary live act consistently criticized for their terrible live performances.
A caricature of leering masculinity that proved unusually inclusive to female audiences.
There are simply no other bands like this.
They were copied constantly and no one ever got it right.
That decision was justifiable, particularly since perseverance is traditionally rewarded by the sands of time.
For Van Halen, however, the opposite has occurred.
The cyclical nature of cultural significance has not worked in their favor.
Their will to survive made them figuratively nonexistent.
Yet this wide-angle reconsideration did not happen, or at least has not happened yet.
But the larger explanation involves how the rest of society evolved in the interim.
To many people born post-grunge, the difference betweenDavid Lee Rothand Glenn Miller is negligible.
Its easy to imagine an engaged teenage music fan unfamiliar with 130 of Van Halens 131 songs.
Which, both predictably and paradoxically, is part of the reason I wanted to compile the following list.
This material deserves deeper, detailed contemplation.
Its not like Van Halen is in any danger of being erased from the historical record.
Their commercial popularity has been certified and theres a collective acknowledgment regarding the quality of their musicianship.
The abstract idea of Van Halen remains iconic.
The individual musical compositions, however, tend to be lumped into two categories that resist close reading.
This is reductive and wrong.
The downside to this formalism is a superficial sense that many of these songs are interchangeable.
I am including only official studio releases.
It would be like trying to rank the 131 best deciduous forests in North America without repeating the wordtree.
I certainly dont love all of it.
Like all non-robots, I have a handful of conscious and unconscious biases.
I wont jump out of a moving vehicle if it comes on the radio.
From that point forward, we would always know who was Laverne and who was Shirley.
This is the worst of the three originals.
There are 18 seconds of guitar during the extended intro that sound a little like Alice in Chains.
Dave awkwardly chats over the breakdown, a questionable habit that usually entertains (but not this time).
And you know what?
As a lead singer, hes an amazing guitar player.
But it kind of seems like nothing to me.
Im not sure Ive ever met a person who would be excited by that expository description.
That probably seems like a joke.
Its right in Enyas wheelhouse.
The central problem withVan Halen IIIis the material.
What was anyone supposed to do with a song like Josephina?
The answer is this song, apparently, which rivals the sixth or seventh-best track onPornograffitti.
What in the hell was going on with these guys?
Were they already distracted by the looming Y2K crisis?
The tracks thesis is that different men want different things.
Or maybe they all want the same thing?
Its words, and then more words, and then something that is more than words.
What would you say if I took those words away?
Probably nothing, because you probably wouldnt notice.
Nice chorus, though (prime Michael Anthony).
This song is on a par with the grammar of the title.
He didnt lobby for apartheid or weaponize humidity.
So there were other options here.
Anyway, this song is titled Dirty Water Dog, and I dont want to know why.
The lyrics appear to have been generated by the worlds stupidest computer.
That said, I find myself mildly awed by how well these boozehounds can play their instruments shit-faced.
There are scenarios in which describing music as overdriven can constitute a level of praise.
This is not one of those scenarios.
But it doesnt have much structure and the title is just too dumb to forgive.
114.Primary,Van Halen III(1998)Possibly an online guitar tutorial?
113.Aftershock,Balance(1995)Musically exploratory, the groove is deep and the cymbals are constant.
Considerably better than it seemed at the time of its release, although thats a limited accolade.
The opening six seconds are exhilarating, but then its just junk and jokes.
110.Strung Out,Balance(1995)Next.
108.The Dream Is Over,For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge(1991)Sammy certainly enjoys singing about dreams.
Dream another dream, he advises, because this dream is over.
A 1991 effort that could double as the score to an imaginary 1987 Michael J.
107.Its About Time,The Best of Both Worlds(2004)More second-generation Hagar.
The riff is okay, although I dont sense Eddie put in any overtime coming up with it.
I appreciate his honesty.
I also appreciate the fleeting moment in this song that resembles Communication Breakdown.
Not much else, though.
Do sprinkler systems save lives?
102.Not Enough,Balance(1995)The piano sounds like Ben Folds and Hagar sounds like a pro.
But RTs arent endorsements.
It would be fine on a mid-period Yes album.
It does not, however, capture or express the strongest qualities of this particular quartet.
100.Inside,5150(1986)The superfluous bummer at the end of5150.
Too much banter on this one.
Seems like an outtake.
My desire to like this song is supernaturally high, but something always goes wrong.
The opening has expansive promise before devolving into what would happen if Eric Johnson were diagnosed with clinical depression.
Seems more like a song about aMegatherium.
It does, however, fall into the unusually large category of Van Halen Songs Involving Unorthodox Punctuation.
Can he make it sound like a helicopter?
Sure, why not.
Wait a second is this supposed to be like Goodnight Saigon?
There are some thick grooves here.
Not a lot, but some.
Soundtrack music for a movie that does not exist, the scope is uncharacteristically wide.
Theres a tangible sense of geographic dilation and a sadness combined with wonder.
But its onVan Halen III, so the wrong guy is singing.
(Naturally Wired),OU812(1988)The letters A.F.U.
Its also half the title of a Shania Twain song Ive never actually played but would probably almost enjoy.
on the advisement of boxer Ray Boom Boom Mancini, so keep your literary expectations in check.
This one gets lumped into the towering silo of VH tracks saved by the gang vocals on the chorus.
The drumming is creative and justifies its placement at the top of the track list.
Everything else is aggressively forgettable.
Theres a ceiling on how good a song like this can be, but that ceiling is reached.
Its well sung, and its not easy to write a song this productively simple.
The words I would use to describe it are durable, efficient, practical, and indefatigable.
Of course, those are also the words Id use to describe a Ford F-150.
Even the solo has the ostentatious flavor of Steve Vais passion (if not necessarily his warfare).
They recorded this in one take, assisted by country singer Nicolette Larson.
75.1984,1984(1984)Probably the bands second-most familiar instrumental, its effectively just an appetizer for Jump.
How do I know when its love?
/ I cant tell you, but it lasts forever.
But in this case, I cant help it.
I was introduced to Little Dreamer on an 8-track tape.
It would then click over to program four and fade back in for the remaining two minutes.
If youve never seen an 8-track, Im sure this makes no sense whatsoever.
It probably sounds like Im describing a gramophone or a reel-to-reel or a butter churn.
But to me, this experience may as well have happened yesterday, and I cant get over it.
Its more or less the only thing I can think about when I hear this song.
So maybe its amazing, maybe its terrible.
Ill never know for sure, and I love being old.
Its lounge rock, although calling it toothless would be missing the point.
The guitar playing is out of character, but not compromised or disappointing.
Among Van Halen fans, there tend to be three distinct perceptions of who Sammy Hagar is.
If you live in that third camp, you might place Runaround in the top 20.
One thing thats beguiling about Eddie Van Halen is the inversion of his desires.
EVH is the opposite.
There are momentary examples of this on almost every album.
Its curious, because even his harshest critics would never question Van Halens ability to pulverize mountain ranges.
Hes the only person worried about this.
The labyrinth of male insecurity will never stop being interesting.
This is what an artist does, though.
You cant criticize the mechanic for being smarter than the owner of the car.
The riff has a top-shelf tail, and its hard to fathom why they never used this one before.
Van Halen spent 13 months making this record.
If theyd recorded Judgement Day in less than 24 hours, it quite possibly fries the proverbial pork chop.
(Actually, not quite.
But still this is not terrible.)
The words are bizarre.
Shouldnt that be self-evident, though?
Who else could she be?
Some of the lyrics make me think of the Police, perhaps not accidentally.
(Readers note: They are.)
Hey, you remember when that girl was prom queen?
Theres a sexy gallop to this track.
His fastball is gone, but he can still get guys out with the slurve.
I know its thoughtful and mechanically sound, but give me a fucking break.
But the moment you move beyond that age, those same thoughts become obvious (and then inane).
Cognitive dissonance always hot.
These longhairs know their throats.
Its just a hard obstruction to avoid.
This song, for example, used to be called Put Out the Lights.
It was shorter, sleazier, and more dynamic.
I like this, but I know I should like it more.
The internet damaged the emotional reception of this album.
It was like watching the pilot for the American version ofThe Office.
Everybody who cared knew the jokes before they happened.
This isnt a Pantera album.
Theres no reason to kill a song simply because its nice.
And you know what?
A lot of it comes from the interaction of people on the street.
The part of the song everyone remembers is when Dave asks, Have you seen Juniors grades?
I give it a B-minus, which is probably better than whatever they gave Junior.
One of the eternal myths about Van Halen is that Roth was a more sexual front man than Hagar.
I mean, he feasiblyhadmore sex, but Sammy thought about it way more often.
Imaginative, highbrow, and well-suited for dabblers in DMT (the so-called businessmans hallucinogen).
43.Ill Wait,1984(1984)Mammoth drums, mammoth synth, not much verve or panache.
Its a tad jokey, but never annoying and clearly on-brand, as the kids like to say.
It has the manic energy of a desperate businessman trying to make a five-minute sales pitch in 90 seconds.
This led to an overall equalization of the various musical components and downplayed the stark separation of Eddies guitar.
It was a bad decision, and what they lost cannot be recovered.
A good vocal performance, an okay message about dreaming.
This is another track where Hagars fingerprints are particularly noticeable, both in mood and aesthetic.
The drums are abnormally loud, as they are on mostF.U.C.K.tracks.
Must have been a good year for microphones.
Poundcake involves the use of a handheld electric drill, so this is as dad-rockin as paternally possible.
I didnt like this song when I was a little guy, but it has aged like J.Lo.
They could put this out tomorrow and humans would explode.
Three minutes of nuclear meltdown, along with one bonus second to ash your cigarette.
The tracks synthesized framework is lush and satisfying.
Hes then rudely interrupted by Hagar, who grunts the word Uh.
By magic, Eddie can now rip all the riffs into ribbons, which he proceeds to do.
I dont really get that.
There arent any old times, Joseph Cotten notes inThe Magnificent Ambersons.
When times are gone, theyre not old, theyre dead.
There arent any times but new times.
But this is killer and indolent at the same time.
20.Beautiful Girls,Van Halen II(1979)The supernatural definition of musical immediacy.
Hey, hey, where you going?
This was a band living in a big world.
18.Little Guitars,Diver Down(1982)The intro is flamenco Eruption without electricity.
Nothing is heavy, everything is edifying a comprehensive success.
Do I remain preoccupied over why they added an exclamation point to the originals title?
But this time, I think I get it.
It has qualities usually associated with rock operas likeTommy, although looser and much less heavy-handed.
From a total band perspective, this is among their most accomplished achievements.
Its quite possible Im wrong about this, but that doesnt matter at all.
They can be whatever we want, at least to ourselves.
12.Cabo Wabo,OU812(1988)Heres the real difference between Sam and Dave.
Dave drinks to go crazy, and to drive other people crazy.
Sam drinks to relax, and to think about how awesome his life is.
Theres a lot of self-actualized sincerity on Cabo Wabo.
This incident, for whatever reason, prompted Hagar to buy real estate in Mexico.
But it just cant be ignored.
The song feels so palpably alive.
Its like theyre recording it right in front of you.
And within this alternative world, his only possible peer is Malcolm Young.
The staccato bass playing on Runnin With the Devil is similarly excellent, as is Roths singing performance.
As Ive aged, Ive grown to understand that perspective.
But I still disagree, for at least two reasons.
4.Panama,1984(1984)The strongest pure riff in the catalogue.
But the more essential truth is that this song just makes people feelgood.
You cant listen to Dance the Night Away without feeling good.
This should be the hold music for suicide prevention hotlines.
2.Unchained,Fair Warning(1981)The title reflects the bands lifestyle.
The music reflects the power of their reality.
Its as heavy as music can be without being heavy at all.
A top-to-bottom masterwork, catapulted beyond-Thunderdome.
1.Eruption,Van Halen(1978)There are those who dont even consider this a song.
I guess that was okay.
It ends with the Doppler effect, except you havent moved and neither has he.
This is, by the widest possible margin, the most important freestanding guitar solo of all time.
And I realize that if you hate Van Halen, this is precisely what you hate.
The experience does not evolve.
You will always be inside that guitar.
