Save this article to read it later.
Find this story in your accountsSaved for Latersection.
In fact, halfway through writing this, I had to go take a bath.
In one early scene, Amy Adams steps into a piping hot claw-foot bathtub.
Which got me wondering: What is the best cinematic bath of all time?
Im talking about the actual bathitself.How calming does this bath look?
How fancy are the accoutrements?
What is the bathtub like, structurally?
How private is the bath?
Is the person in immediate danger of being interrupted?
How long are they in the bath?
Does the water appear to be a good temperature?
How aspirational is this bath, on the whole?
Below, Ive ranked 20 iconic movie baths, from worst to best, based on the above criteria.
Sex baths are, quite honestly, bad.
Take your sex elsewhere, this is MY bath!!
Al Pacino, Yelling in Bath:Scarface
Well, I hate this bath.
First off, the tub itself is too big.
Whose mothers womb is this massive?
No offense, Mrs. Montana.
Secondly, there is a very fine line between classy bath accoutrements and ostentatious fuckery.
The cherry on top of this hell sundae: the four separate security camera feeds.
Al Pacino might as well be bathing in the hot mouth of Satan.
Putting aside the questionable structural integrity of this tub, Im profoundly disturbed by the lack of privacy here.
We should all be taking notes on that one.
Natalie Portman, Dissociating in Bath:Black Swan
I dont mind the fact that Natalie is bleeding here.
Her brief confrontation with her subconscious is also a healthy bath-time activity, too.
Where else do you want her to temporarily dissociate?
My primary issue with this bath is the lighting.
Id rather have my imaginary doppelganger murder me during the ballet, thanks.
Im not crazy about the color scheme of this bathroom, either.
Enough lighting for 12 football fields.
A man sitting directly next to Marilyn, staring at her as she bathes.
A man … wearing overalls!
Kirsten Dunst, Let Them Eat Cake-ing in Bath:Marie Antoinette
Famine threatens France.
The proletariat are starving.
You are the queen and everyone is mad at you.
This is a very good time to take a bath, IMHO.
Are you freaking kidding me, Kirsten?
The bath pillow shouldsupportyour neck, not force it into an unnatural 90-degree angle.
Heather … Jesus Christ.
A built-in escape route from our gruesome dimension is an incredible bath perk.
Unfortunately, falling asleep in the bath is tacky and against bath law.
After all, what is a bath if not a relaxing flirtation with death?
Things end with Natalie running naked out of the bath and hurling herself onto her bed, screaming.
Im also concerned about the casual way this girl leaves a plugged-in hair curler right on the sink.
The lighting in this bathroom is atrocious, both bright and cheap-looking.
The shower curtain is gauche.
Lastly, who puts family photos in the bathroom?
Staring at your family is the antithesis of relaxing.
Leonardo DiCaprio, Thrown Backwards in Chair in Bath:Inception
This is inappropriate bath-entering technique.
You should never sit in a chair and fall backwards into a bathtub while sleeping.
Very important to step foot-first into a bath while awake.
Otherwise, the tub itself seems nice: deep, wide, clean.
Jennifer Connelly, Screaming Underwater in Bath:Requiem for a Dream
Baths should be cathartic.
Who are we to say this is not a good bath?
Plus, she has a loofah and candles!
If she reclines, she gets a faucet right in the back.
Jeff Bridges quickly rediscovers his bath-time equilibrium.
An important reminder that a truly good bath takes place in the mind, not the body.
This movie is embarrassing and we should all be ashamed of ourselves, but I like this bath.
Docked points for ugly lighting, unfortunately.
The bubbles are mountainous.
The tub is the perfect size: big enough for two, but holding only one.
Prince is the only acceptable bathtime soundtrack.
What do you do with that hair?
hey, Im really asking.
Theres no overhead lighting, only low lamplight.
Finally, the red walls are a surprising but inspired touch, both womblike and lightly spooky.
Lia Beldam, Mouldering in Bath:The Shining
Well, this is it.
Weve made it to the number-one movie bath.
The lighting is a liiiittle harsh, but then again, look at those beautiful sconces!
The bath has its own sweet, cozy alcove!
Suddenly, youre interrupted by a man points docked.
You have a nice, jolly laugh to yourself.
Then you get to go back to your bath, forever.
