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Opening sequence:Candice Bergen is standing at a bar in an old photo.

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She is holding a glass of white wine.Alcohol consumed:Conservative estimate: One glass of white wine.

If youve ever been on a Tinder/Bumble/OKCupid et al.

date, you know what (most likely) happens next.Alcohol consumed:Two glasses of white wine.

This woman is not a quitter, yall.Alcohol consumed:One glass of rose and one Viagra-laced beer.

Scene:Diane, Jane, Mary, and Candice are having a book-club meeting at Candices house.

We are in full-blown crisis mode here, people.

Has Christian Greys deep love for/fuckery of Anastasia Steele created unrealistic expectations in their own lives?

Why wont Marys husband have sex with her already?

Why is Candice hung up on a guy whos clearly not on her level?

Scene:They are still at Candices house.

Scene:Jane is on the roof of the hotel.Alcohol consumed: One glass of white wine.

Scene:Candice is at a celebratory engagement party for her son and she makes an inspiring impromptu speech.

I finally understand love.Alcohol consumed:Two glasses of white wine.

Scene:Candice is in her home office and reactivates her Bumble account.

#NeverGiveUpOnLove.Alcohol consumed:One glass of white wine.

The friends are all happy and, much like Anastasia Steele, thoroughly fucked.

Candice has a glass of wine in hand.Alcohol consumed:Conservative estimate: One glass of white wine.