Save this article to read it later.
Find this story in your accountsSaved for Latersection.
Next, it tells you exactly whats going to happen: a royal wedding!
But the best way this title establishes your expectations is by being immediately, wildly inaccurate!
Hes not even a Christmas prince anymore!
What are you doing, movie?!
Needless to say, its been a whirlwind year, Amber tells us in voice-over.
Enough with the fantastic fake media outlets, lets get this thing in gear!
Amber and her father have traveled to Aldovia for her wedding, and I havemanyquestions.
She thought she could just hop in on a regular commercial flight and no one would notice?
This is Amber, the journalist queen!
She was on the cover ofEntertainment Social!
Also, note: This actor is not the guy who played her original father.
They recast Sweet Diner Owner Rudy as someone with a much chewier New York accent!
Obviously, the press finds Amber at the airport and she gets hustled into the royal limos.
But this does not happen before a snappy Indian guy denies her the cab she tries to hail.
I wonder if well see him again!
I see Richard Bevan Charlton, king of Aldovia, attended theBachelorContestant School of Writing Poems.
After Amber reads this card, Richard walks in and says, Its a limerick, of sorts.
IT IS NOT A LIMERICK.
It has only four lines!
I dont think King Richard is very bright, you guys.
Hes planning Ambers wedding as an extravaganza of style and taste.
If hes the fancy, stylish one, wouldnt he know and care about Jimmy Choos real name?
and hold signs that say no more layoffs!
One fantastic protest sign reads, simply, WHY?!
I would swear to you that I have never seen this person before in my life.
Simon asks to hang around for a while, and Richard dourly agrees because its Christmas.
Amber is not thrilled with Sahils design for her wedding dress.
She just wants to beherself!
I promise I am telling you as little about this pageant as I possibly can.
Also, Richards mom brought in some dude named Lord Leopold whos going to fix everything right up.
This is the man in charge of the entire Aldovian economy.
Anyhow, Amber finally picks out a tree for the palace courtyard, and then everyone goes tobogganing.
Speaking of images and the importance thereof, Amber and Richard pose for their royal portrait and Amberhaaaatesit.
Between this and her blog being taken down, Ambers patience is wearing thin.
Does it have multiple major cities?
Why is the national language English?
Why do they all have vaguely, unevenly British accents?
Why does the prime minister show up for one useless scene?
Are there no non-state-run businesses?
What do they think ofBrexit?
Amber conducts an improbably useful interview with one working man, and then takes detailed notes.
After some cursory Googling, Amber decides that she needs more information on a company called Meadowlark.
Then Emily rolls in and announces that she knows a thing or two about hacking.
The friends still do not have names, so lets call them Black Girl Friend and Gay Guy Friend.
Amber, what did I say about the sunglasses!
King Richard, human mothball, finds himself speechless, and Amber storms out.
No one can find Amber!
Richard runs around outside in the snow yelling, Amber!
and the camera spins around him in circles.
(Im paraphrasing here, but only barely.)
Cool, time to head back to the castle!
Amber threatens to shoot an arrow at him!
And then Leopold gets thrown in the dungeon.
Aldovia: where nobody really knows whether its 2006 or 1706, but it sure isnt 2018.
), so now its wedding time!
Her dad gets to serve sliders at the reception.
The stakes of this movie are very low.
Amber is pronounced Queen Amber of Aldovia.
The peppy conga music morphs into triumphant closing trumpet cadences, but the conga line continues!
This is supposed to be … cute?
And then you just stood there and kept kissing.
Or its just a massive shrug to end this massive shrug of a holiday movie.
So long,A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding, and thanks for all the limericks.
Related
Tags:
