90 Day Fiance
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Colt is worried that he wont be able to share private moments with his Brazilian girlfriend, Larissa.
This would be an understandable problem if he was … 15.
As a grown man, Colt needs to move out of his mommas house and get his own space.
Thats the only way he can ensure privacy.
Thats kind of the deal, and he either has to accept it, or literally move on.
Debra comes off a little strange when she cries about being left out of Colts life.
But, mothers are strange.
Its hard for them to let go of their babies.
I would be clingy too with the human I let rip my vagina sideways.
For a teenager, Fernanda definitely has a good head on her shoulders.
She is setting expectations and when Jonathan doesnt meet them she shows her disappointment.
Plus these communication skills come in handy when Fernanda is forced to converse with Jonathans closest bigots.
These guys grill her about her intentions with Jonathan and the Mexican crime rate because racism.
Im starting to think Fernanda is too good for Jonathan, not the other way around.
She handled the interrogation with grace and managed to do a decent impression of a southern accent.
If things dont work out with her fiance, Fernanda should take that act on the road.
In Bowie, Maryland, we meet a new American longing to bring his girlfriend stateside, Steven.
He has been arrested multiple times and kicked out of his mothers house.
Honestly, Im delighted to see him.
Is it an episode of90 Day Fianceif we dont have at least one male with a criminal record?
(The answer is no, folks!)
Since they were 20 and just having fun, they had sex without using protection.
It surprised the both of them when she got pregnant.
I dont know whats surprising about sex leading to pregnancy because thats literally how babies are made.
This makes me worry about our countrys sexual education program, because its clear Steven is missing several lessons.
But, I digress.
Again, this feels like a failure of No Child Left Behind …
In Orange County, its Kalanis 30th birthday and Asuelu is visiting the United States the next day.
My fear for Kalani is that shes searching for something in Asuelu he hasnt offered.
Its not impossible, but its highly unlikely.
Kalani is so embarrassed by this and I feel her pain.
He has her flying into the East Coast to deceive her into thinking hes remotely cosmopolitan.
Leida has come to America with her son Alessandro and her judgmental sister Reina.
Eric and Leidas first argument on American soil is on how to fit the luggage in the car.
If something as simple as this sets them off, they have absolutely no hope in Wisconsin.
Of course, Leida and Reina hate their living conditions because Eric got a two-bedroom for three adults.
If hes trying to impress them, he is doing a horrible job.
Hed be better off taking them to a Best Western and showing them the magic of a breakfast buffet.
Now, thats the America Im proud of!
Instead he makes Leida a breakfast burrito, which only confuses her more because shes never made breakfast before.
Im confused as to why this woman left Jakarta; it sounds like she had a great setup there.
Ashley is in Jamaica to help her super-hot fiance, Jay, with his visa interview.
Hes applying for the K1 visa and is excited to get to the United States for the first time.
Although, he admits hes going to miss Jamaica because the coldest weather hes ever felt is 75 degrees.
Jay got Ashley and himself a hotel room covered in rose petals.
I dont think this is true, but its definitely hard for cheaters to remain faithful.
Ultimately, Jay ends up taking a test for his K1 visa, and he passes.
But, Im nobodys fool, he is most certainly going to cheat on her.
Colt finally sees the love of his life at the airport and she doesnt even greet him.
Larissa is disappointed that he doesnt have flowers with him.
This clearly bothers her because she brings it up in every confessional until the end of the episode.
To make matters worse, Las Vegas is nothing like what Larissa has seen in the movies.
She was expectingOceans 8and all she got was a Motel 6.
It doesnt help that Colts car doesnt have an air conditioner.
If90 Day Fiancehas done anything, they have created an anti-promotional campaign for visiting Nevada.
