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(Shooting a comedy special?
Shooting in a room lit by two clamp lights and trying to make it beautiful?
Thats a workout, she says.)
Theyre balancing day jobs and night jobs and comedy and auditions and nothing has paid off yet.
That can last a year.
It can last three.
It can take even longer if youre so unique no one knows where to put you, she says.
All I can really do is give them a photo, but its a little encouragement.
Colin Jost at the Knitting Factory, December 6, 2009:Wow.
My advice to my younger self would be: Shake him down for money first.
Then invest all that money in Kardashian emojis.
Michael Che outside Luca Lounge, December 1, 2011:Play more black rooms.
Mike Lawrence after Whiplash at UCB Chelsea, March 8, 2010:Enjoy this.
This will be the thinnest youll ever be.
I wore a lot of pill-y, grayed-out cotton/spandex blends back then.
Some hair product wouldnt have hurt either.
In the future, your life will get better, and your body will get worse.
Mark Normand, October 23, 2010:For the love of Allah, cool it with the booze.
I spent too many wasted days hungover.
Have fun; these are some of your best years.
Go to therapy, be weird, and dont dwell on things too much.
Enjoy your hair, frequent boners, and few responsibilities.
Kate Berlant at The Creek and the Cave, January 14, 2012:Fuck the boys club.
Dont worry about impressing people you dont respect.
Also, I love you!
Third: Youre doing fine.
Thats all you need.
But seriously God, the shirt, what were you thinking?
You will never lose the weight you gain and it doesnt even help your depression.
Just stop texting him instead.
Kevin Barnett at the Knitting Factory, December 13, 2009:Stop wearing your hair in a fro.
I was so singularly focused back then, so driven by comedy exclusively.
Id go back and tell that guy to slow down and realize how great you have it.
The things you want out of your career, theyll come.
The people you love, theyre not going to always be around.
Soak up every second with them.
Theyre what matter most.
you might grow a great one.
*brain
**therapist
***once a week.
Oh, and Sun-In makes your hair go crunch.
Always remember how much you love this.
Its gonna get really hard, especially one night in 2009 that you wont think youll rebound from.
Do a different set onConanin 2013, because in this timeline you bomb on that show on 11/12/13.
You will hate yourself, but eventually youll overcome.
(OR you’re able to do a different set!
Save yourself months of agony!)
Theres gonna be rough times.
Let them hit you, stand back up, and stare the adversity in its eyes until it crumbles.
Be more than you think you could be, because you’ve got the option to.
Also, Obamas gonna win in November.
Hell get reelected in 2012.
Around then, start bashing Donald Trump on stage every night.
And seriously, stop smoking.
And drinking that much PBR.
And stressing out about everything.
Look at this picture.
Now be that face.
Nick Turner after Whiplash at UCB Chelsea, October 3, 2011:Do NOT lose that jacket.
You will try but never find another jacket like it.
You will even forget the brand, making googling it impossible.
Christine Nangle at the Knitting Factory, December 6, 2009:Trust your instincts.
Figure out whose opinion really, truly matters to you and dont sweat the rest.
Also stop making this dumb face in photos.
The Lucas Brothers at The Creek and the Cave, January 14.
2012:Appreciate every moment, good and bad.
Dont get caught up with competition, politics, and comparing yourself to others.
Enjoy the work of your peers.
Recognize youre in a privileged position where you get to watch some of the best hone their craft.
Dont take anything and anyone for granted.
Dont be too hard on yourself.
Success comes to those who work hard.
But that doesnt mean not to have fun.
Enjoy and LOVE the process.
Listen and learn from the greats.
Always be willing to help out those who arent in your position.
Also, make a run at help as many people as possible.
Absolutely kill the ego.
Focus more on the spiritual journey that comedy will take you on.
And watchToy Story 3every six months.
I thought comedy was only worthwhile if it felt difficult, and the audience could see that effort.
I was regularly bombing in front of microscopic crowds.
This picture was taken on Valentines Day during a depression-themed storytelling show.
Also, take better care of yourself.
Eat healthier and take breaks because careers are long and you will get tired.
Ultimately, it will have no impact on your career.
People will love you.
You dont have to worry so much.
Stop second-guessing yourself and just enjoy it.
Youre good enough, youre working hard enough.
Nourish your friendships, because it turns out, theyre everything.
Oh, and not to be a bitch, but hey quit smoking.
I know, I know.
Dont be afraid to share everything that you are!
Pete Holmes
The business will give you downtime, but that doesnt mean you should take a break.
And you make that same face in every picture, try switching it up.
When things get stressful and crazy and you think to yourself When will this get easier?
it wont, because thats what a career feels like.
Anxiety is your creativity turned into a weapon that you use to beat yourself up.
And this is because anxiety is mostly storytelling repeating poisonous stories that youve inherited from others.
It feeds on your fear.
Instead of letting anxiety run you, try voicing it.
Voice it in your comedy.
Voice it in a script.
Just voice it, and itll help you release it.
And lastly, dont buy so many sneakers.
You wont wear most of them.
It fits well, looks nice on you, and is shockingly warm considering its relatively light weight.
You are going to lose it in a year or so, and you are going to be sad.
But persevere and keep working hard.
Its going to be okay.
You sell your talent.
You sell your time.
You sell your name, your effort, your brand.
But one thing you must NEVER sell is your integrity.
The next few years will test that hard for you.
Know that you will stay the course on this one and it will serve you well.
Maybe for some the heights of other things is the goal.
