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I expected more from a man literally famous for his movie-star stamina and tendency to forget about boundaries entirely.
Where are the throwbacks?
A family photo with his two kids with Nicole Kidman?
Some smugMatt Lauer shade?
A hi-res video of himdancing to Yung Joc on BET?
Thats a good start.
But theres so much more we should be asking for.
Below, Ive outlined 25 things that I, personally, need from Tom Cruises Instagram.
A video of himselfeating micro-livestock.
How about a photo of a brisk, early morning fast walk?
A video of himself dancing to Bootylicious.
A Bible study,for real this time.
Live commentary ofThe Arrangement.
You cant handle the truth!
in varying pitches, on a loop.
Show me the money!
in varying pitches, on a loop.
(Personally, Id like to see this one as different kinds of whispers.)
When I could just hop in a Porsche.
And then cut to Tom Cruise saying, Porsche.
There is no substitute.
A photo set of his empty mantle, increasingly zoomed in with each photo.
Caption: Thats where myMagnoliaOscar should be.
12.A good #tbt.
Footage of himdancing at another wedding.
A screenshot of thisvery important piece of journalism, with the caption Very important piece of journalism.
@henrycavill have you seen?
Evidence maybe a sneaky screenshot?
that Elle Fanning bullies hisWar of the Worldsco-star Dakota.
Dinner with hisex-publicist Pat Kingsley!
We love a reunion.
Caption: Lmao PTA u wild for this one.
Glossier unboxing I feel like Tom Cruise uses the Super Serum after long days on set.
Look at those pores.
He worked for the CIA, the DEA and Pablo Escobar.
On September 29, Tom Cruise stars in #AmericanMade.
A post shared byAmerican Made(@americanmade) onSep 1, 2017 at 1:24pm PDT
21.
A video detailing hisfriendship with Kanye.
TheDark Universecast photo, a failed franchise that livesforever in our hearts.
